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-   -   The day I've feared most has arrived... (http://www.spursreport.com/forums/cantina/52707-day-ive-feared-most-has-arrived.html)

TJinTX 04-19-06 10:01 AM

The day I've feared most has arrived...
 
Last Friday evening, a deputy sheriff pulled up to my house, and served me with court papers, saying that my ex-wife is sueing me for custody of my daughter. For the past six years, I've dreaded this day, knowing that it was coming sooner or later. It sucks to not sleep at night, but the day is now here. If you are the praying kind, any prayers would be appreciated. I'm not asking anyone to pray that I keep custody of my daughter; rather, please pray that the outcome will be in the best interest of my daughter....

Falcone 04-19-06 10:04 AM

wow, that is heavy...good luck

Matias 04-19-06 10:07 AM

Bad news TJ. I hope everything goes fine for you.
But please, both you and your ex, whatever happens, keep your daughter away from traumatic experiences.
I´m not the praying kind, but I support you in my own way.

Lord Deimos 04-19-06 10:15 AM

I know how I'd feel if it happened to me.

Good luck, and try to keep your head up.

bonnington 04-19-06 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJinTX
Last Friday evening, a deputy sheriff pulled up to my house, and served me with court papers, saying that my ex-wife is sueing me for custody of my daughter. For the past six years, I've dreaded this day, knowing that it was coming sooner or later. It sucks to not sleep at night, but the day is now here. If you are the praying kind, any prayers would be appreciated. I'm not asking anyone to pray that I keep custody of my daughter; rather, please pray that the outcome will be in the best interest of my daughter....

I don't pray. But I will have you and your daughter in my thoughts and my heart. The best of the lucks to you and your daughter. Be brave.

SAScrub 04-19-06 10:18 AM

My prayers are with you.

SimTek 04-19-06 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJinTX
please pray that the outcome will be in the best interest of my daughter....

You are already light years ahead of most people. I'll pray for all of you.

ladyspur 04-19-06 10:26 AM

:hug My prayers are with you. I think everything is going to be allright, I have faith. :)

Derek Flint 04-19-06 10:26 AM

I hope that your daughter gets the best she can out of this situation. From what I can tell that would be to live with you, hopefully the judge has some sense.

micah76 04-19-06 10:31 AM

I don't pray but I hope for the best for you. You are in a strong position. They rarely move children out of stable homes just because. They normally need a very good reason to do it. So I feel for the Stress you are going through, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. All I can say is if you don't have a lawyer get one they help alot.

TJinTX 04-19-06 10:43 AM

Thank you all for the prayers, and well-wishes. I went through this battle in our original divorce, and I'm certainly not looking forward to doing it again. It's ugly, brutal, and can be dehumanizing to both parties. At the time, my daughter was 3, so she was blissfully unaware of the animosity, and I'm very thankful for that.

My best hope is for a summary judgement from the judge, stating that this is a frivolous case, and doesn't deserve a hearing. My ex has not put forth any compelling reason to uproot a child from a stable home, particularly when that child is on the "A-B" Honor Roll, made the TAKS "Commended" list, is involved in every extra-curricular activity known to man, etc. Worst case, of course, is a full-blown trial, where everyone's dirty laundry gets aired.

Someone asked me how I was feeling about the whole thing. My response was basically that I'm pissed off that my ex would cause such disruption and stress for no good reason. Every once in a while, I do have moments of fear, simply because this is west Texas, and most folks here believe a child should be with their mother. Of course, they don't know THIS mother. Part of me is really wanting to go to war, just so she'll realize that she can't do things on a whim; the other part of me just prays for an early judgment.

Attorneys are already involved, so hopefully all will go well. What the hell; it's just another $20,000....

shelden 04-19-06 11:20 AM

I will pray for you and your daughter, TJ, and ask the members of my small Christian community to pray with me.

bnwhuxley 04-19-06 11:26 AM

I hope, and expect, things to turn out well for you, TJ.

micah76 04-19-06 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJinTX
Thank you all for the prayers, and well-wishes. I went through this battle in our original divorce, and I'm certainly not looking forward to doing it again. It's ugly, brutal, and can be dehumanizing to both parties. At the time, my daughter was 3, so she was blissfully unaware of the animosity, and I'm very thankful for that.

My best hope is for a summary judgement from the judge, stating that this is a frivolous case, and doesn't deserve a hearing. My ex has not put forth any compelling reason to uproot a child from a stable home, particularly when that child is on the "A-B" Honor Roll, made the TAKS "Commended" list, is involved in every extra-curricular activity known to man, etc. Worst case, of course, is a full-blown trial, where everyone's dirty laundry gets aired.

Someone asked me how I was feeling about the whole thing. My response was basically that I'm pissed off that my ex would cause such disruption and stress for no good reason. Every once in a while, I do have moments of fear, simply because this is west Texas, and most folks here believe a child should be with their mother. Of course, they don't know THIS mother. Part of me is really wanting to go to war, just so she'll realize that she can't do things on a whim; the other part of me just prays for an early judgment.

Attorneys are already involved, so hopefully all will go well. What the hell; it's just another $20,000....

It's amazing our cases mirror each other almost exactly. Including that god awful amount of money.

TJinTX 04-19-06 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelden
I will pray for you and your daughter, TJ, and ask the members of my small Christian community to pray with me.

Thank you, shelden. I'm a big believer in the power of prayer. :)
Quote:

Originally Posted by bnwhuxley
I hope, and expect, things to turn out well for you, TJ.

Thank you for your vote of confidence. It's always good to hear from you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by micah76
It's amazing our cases mirror each other almost exactly. Including that god awful amount of money.

Yes, it is somewhat odd, although I suspect that many fathers have similiar (or even worse) situations. The money required is absolutely mind-boggling, at least to me. As I said earlier, I'm hoping for a summary judgement, in which case the dollar amount will be significantly lower. Every attorney I've spoken to regarding this has told me that my ex's lawyer is really doing her a disservice by taking her case, since I've had custody for nearly 6 years. I just hope the financial impact to her is at least as great as it is to me.

VDeal 04-19-06 12:00 PM

I think the ruling will be in your favor. If you have provided a stable, loving home environment, and your ex has shown ambivalence or a poor record of remaining an active part of your daughters life, then you should have no worries.
The days of automatic custody to the mother are over. Judges are much more open to giving a loving, caring father custody these days. All my prayers will be with you.

micah76 04-19-06 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RickV
I think the ruling will be in your favor. If you have provided a stable, loving home environment, and your ex has shown ambivalence or a poor record of remaining an active part of your daughters life, then you should have no worries.
The days of automatic custody to the mother are over. Judges are much more open to giving a loving, caring father custody these days. All my prayers will be with you.

Not so open as you think, otherwise Fathers with custody like TJ and I would not live in constant fear of losing our child to an unfit mother.

TJinTX 04-19-06 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RickV
I think the ruling will be in your favor. If you have provided a stable, loving home environment, and your ex has shown ambivalence or a poor record of remaining an active part of your daughters life, then you should have no worries.
The days of automatic custody to the mother are over. Judges are much more open to giving a loving, caring father custody these days.

Not really. While everyone agrees that both parents should enter a court room on equivalent grounds, it is also pretty much accepted that it doesn't happen that way. In my case, I live in west Texas, which is extremely conservative, and family-oriented. Most attorneys that have practiced in these parts will tell you that the chances of a father gaining custody is very, very remote.
Quote:

Originally Posted by RickV
All my prayers will be with you.

Thank you very much.

rjv 04-19-06 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJinTX
Thank you all for the prayers, and well-wishes. I went through this battle in our original divorce, and I'm certainly not looking forward to doing it again. It's ugly, brutal, and can be dehumanizing to both parties. At the time, my daughter was 3, so she was blissfully unaware of the animosity, and I'm very thankful for that.

My best hope is for a summary judgement from the judge, stating that this is a frivolous case, and doesn't deserve a hearing. My ex has not put forth any compelling reason to uproot a child from a stable home, particularly when that child is on the "A-B" Honor Roll, made the TAKS "Commended" list, is involved in every extra-curricular activity known to man, etc. Worst case, of course, is a full-blown trial, where everyone's dirty laundry gets aired.

Someone asked me how I was feeling about the whole thing. My response was basically that I'm pissed off that my ex would cause such disruption and stress for no good reason. Every once in a while, I do have moments of fear, simply because this is west Texas, and most folks here believe a child should be with their mother. Of course, they don't know THIS mother. Part of me is really wanting to go to war, just so she'll realize that she can't do things on a whim; the other part of me just prays for an early judgment.

Attorneys are already involved, so hopefully all will go well. What the hell; it's just another $20,000....

i hope that your ex does not come to regret this as your daughter may come to resent her for these actions. in the end, if there is a time that exists where you will not be in custody of your daughter remember that, in her heart, you will always be her dad, and she will always love you. no court can ever take that away, and the day will come where the court will have no say in how she chooses to spend as much time with you as she wants.

TJinTX 04-19-06 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by micah76
Not so open as you think, otherwise Fathers with custody like TJ and I would not live in constant fear of losing our child to an unfit mother.

It is that very fear that is unfair. Women can disallow visitations by non-custodial fathers at will, and never be punished for it. Let a custodial father try that, and he'd be hauled into court. Fathers that fall behind on child support payments are pursued and punished to the full extent of the law. Hell, it's even called the "Deadbeat Dad" law. The same can't be said when it's a mother that doesn't pay child support.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rjv
i hope that your ex does not come to regret this as your daughter may come to resent her for these actions. in the end, if there is a time that exists where you will not be in custody of your daughter remember that, in her heart, you will always be her dad, and she will always love you. no court can ever take that away, and the day will come where the court will have no say in how she chooses to spend as much time with you as she wants.

Thanks, rjv. That's a lovely thought, and I will remember it....

Derek Flint 04-19-06 12:40 PM

Not to make light of this situation, but when I first came in here this morning, I thought that this thread might be about me hitting 10,000 posts :lol

micah76 04-19-06 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJinTX
It is that very fear that is unfair. Women can disallow visitations by non-custodial fathers at will, and never be punished for it. Let a custodial father try that, and he'd be hauled into court. Fathers that fall behind on child support payments are pursued and punished to the full extent of the law. Hell, it's even called the "Deadbeat Dad" law. The same can't be said when it's a mother that doesn't pay child support.

I don't know about you TJ but I have never seen a dime of child support. Of course my lawyer used that to have the judge make a ruling that she has to pay me the back child support before she can sue for custody.

TJinTX 04-19-06 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by micah76
I don't know about you TJ but I have never seen a dime of child support. Of course my lawyer used that to have the judge make a ruling that she has to pay me the back child support before she can sue for custody.

In nearly six years, I've gotten 3 months worth of child support, beginning about 6 months ago. In my opinion, she started paying when she began contemplating sueing for custody. Kinda trying to "paint a picture of a loving and caring parent", so to speak.

I contacted the Texas Attorney General several years ago to open a case, but the headache just wasn't worth it. They kept thinking I was the one in default, and every call took about 2 hours to straighten the person out. My attorney is going to advise me whether I should pursue this again, in light of current events.

Don't know about you, but that back child support would damn sure help to mitigate this damn attorney bill

TJinTX 04-19-06 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by To be named later
Whoa.....that sounds like it should be part of your strategy, TJ.

It is, along with a myriad of other things that I won't go into here. As much as I dislike my ex, I won't cast aspersions in this forum. Well, no more than I already have...

PHANTOM21 04-19-06 01:16 PM

what does apsersions mean?

TJinTX 04-19-06 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PHANTOM21
what does apsersions mean?

"Casting aspersions" means saying bad things about people....

PHANTOM21 04-19-06 01:19 PM

damn....why didnt i know that? :lol

TJinTX 04-19-06 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PHANTOM21
damn....why didnt i know that? :lol

Because you were in the Army; I was in the Air Force :D :lol

ladyspur 04-19-06 01:21 PM

Can you tell us why you think she is doing this now after all these years? :shrug

If not, I understand. :)

PHANTOM21 04-19-06 01:24 PM

oh yeah

:bricks

TJinTX 04-19-06 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyspur
Can you tell us why you think she is doing this now after all these years? :shrug

If not, I understand. :)

I'd rather not go into that right now, particularly on a public forum. Maybe when it's all said and done....:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by To be named later
Because she's a royal ass *****?

Sorry.....TJ is too classy to say it, so I will. :)

:lol Thanks. That made me laugh out loud....

ladyspur 04-19-06 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJinTX
I'd rather not go into that right now, particularly on a public forum. Maybe when it's all said and done....:)



:lol Thanks. That made me laugh out loud....

:thumb Understood.

Again, the best of luck. :clap

spursfeva_31 04-19-06 03:17 PM

of course I'll pray for you. :)

TJinTX 06-01-06 07:38 AM

UPDATE
 
Originally, my initial court date was set for 15 May, but due to scheduling conflicts, it was moved to yesterday, 31 May. This hearing was for a ruling as to whether or not Temporary Orders needed to be issued changing my daughters residence. In Texas, at least, there are basically 2 reasons that the judge will do that; 1) if the childs mental or physical well-being are in jeopardy by staying where she's at, or 2) the custodial parent has given up the care, custody, and control of their child for the preceeding 6 months.

The judge ruled in my favor, saying that there were no immediate grounds for uprooting my daughter from her current residence. Technically, that was only the first ruling, and there could very well be another for a final custody disposition. This would be much different than the one I went through yesterday. However, I think that my ex will drop the case, since she got her ass whipped in court yesterday.

Just wanted to thank all for the thoughts, well-wishes, and mostly for the prayers. All has turned out well to date, but please don't stop praying, as this may not be completely over.

Matias 06-01-06 08:14 AM

Great News TJ !!!! :rock

ladyspur 06-01-06 08:26 AM

:) I'm so glad to hear everything went well.

cope 06-01-06 09:29 AM

Outstanding news TJ!

kyleo 06-01-06 09:30 AM

I'm glad to hear that, TJ. I had thought about your situation a few times since you first posted, thanks for the update. I hope it all works out for the best.

Pizbo 06-01-06 09:53 AM

grats TJ. In the event that you lose custody please do your daughter a favor and never involve her in your ill feelings towards your wife. You don't seem like the guy to do that but it is something that is so important that it must be said.

PHANTOM21 06-01-06 09:57 AM

great news TJ...seems like guys these days always get the raw end of the deal...good to see thats not always the case....i think it's a reflection upon you and what a great father you are.

bnwhuxley 06-01-06 12:03 PM

Well done! And we'll keep up the well-wishes and prayers!

TJinTX 10-12-06 09:58 AM

Latest update
 
Old thread, but still very relevant in my life. A few months ago, my attorney called me to say that my ex-wife was pursuing the case to the end. I had a trial date to begin next Monday, and tomorrow was going to be spent picking the jury. It got postponed yesterday, however, and I don't know yet what the new date is going to be, but it will probably be after the first of the year. That's actually a good thing, because as the sappy song says, "Time, is on my side".......


At any rate, I continue to ask for your prayers and/or well-wishes. This has not been any fun for anybody, but with the grace of God, we will come through it stronger than we were before.

Matias 10-12-06 10:03 AM

As usual, I wish you the best. :thumb

VDeal 10-12-06 10:17 AM

Good luck TJ, keep the BBQ going, and the grill hot.

TJinTX 10-12-06 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matias (Post 1034639)
As usual, I wish you the best. :thumb

Thank you, Matias.
Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyspur (Post 1034640)
TJ, I will continue to pray that everything works out for you. :)

Thanks, LS. As I said earlier in this thread, I'm a very big believer in the power of prayer :)
Quote:

Originally Posted by RickV (Post 1034658)
Good luck TJ, keep the BBQ going, and the grill hot.

Thanks. We don't let a little thing like a custody case keep us from BBQ :D I think my daughter would volunteer to leave me if I didn't keep the grill hot :lol
Quote:

Originally Posted by bonnington (Post 1034661)
TJ, I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts. I wish her and you the best for both of you. Be strong, Brother.

Thanks, bonnington. I do have my moments when I feel like just giving up, but there's a greater cause here. Being tired, or broke, or tired AND broke, makes no difference, so I just kick myself in the ass and keep on soldiering....

TJinTX 04-10-07 09:53 AM

Final Update
 
Well, nearly a year to the day that I was served, here's an update on my case. First and foremost, however, I would like to sincerely thank everyone for their well-wishes and prayers. They work :)

My ex-wife wanted to put my daughter on the witness stand when our trial was scheduled to begin next Monday (this, after several delays due to docket scheduling). To avoid this, I allowed her to be deposed by my attorney and my ex-wife's attorney. To make a long story short, my daughter told them what was in her heart, and not what her mother had tried to manipulate her into saying. After viewing the video tape of her deposition, my ex has non-suited the case, meaning that she has dropped it.

It's all over, and my daughter can go back to being a kid again, without worrying about whether she is going to "disappoint" her mother or not. So, again, it's over. For now.

SAScrub 04-10-07 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I Kings 3
The very next thing, two prostitutes showed up before the king. The one woman said, "My master, this woman and I live in the same house. While we were living together, I had a baby. Three days after I gave birth, this woman also had a baby. We were alone—there wasn't anyone else in the house except for the two of us. The infant son of this woman died one night when she rolled over on him in her sleep. She got up in the middle of the night and took my son—I was sound asleep, mind you!—and put him at her breast and put her dead son at my breast. When I got up in the morning to nurse my son, here was this dead baby! But when I looked at him in the morning light, I saw immediately that he wasn't my baby."

"Not so!" said the other woman. "The living one's mine; the dead one's yours."

The first woman countered, "No! Your son's the dead one; mine's the living one."

They went back and forth this way in front of the king.

The king said, "What are we to do? This woman says, 'The living son is mine and the dead one is yours,' and this woman says, 'No, the dead one's yours and the living one's mine.'"

After a moment the king said, "Bring me a sword." They brought the sword to the king.

Then he said, "Cut the living baby in two—give half to one and half to the other."

The real mother of the living baby was overcome with emotion for her son and said, "Oh no, master! Give her the whole baby alive; don't kill him!"

But the other one said, "If I can't have him, you can't have him—cut away!"

The king gave his decision: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Nobody is going to kill this baby. She is the real mother."

I was reminded of that passage when I read your latest update. I know nothing of your ex and what kind of mother she is, but the fact that she would want your daughter on the stand in a court of law speaks volumes about the type of mother she is.

Good for you, and from the type of parent I know you are (based on your posts here), good for your daughter.

rjv 04-10-07 10:14 AM

man TJ, i can not tell you how much this tugged at my heart. i have read your posts over the years and have known you to be fun-spirited, intellectual, patriotic, intelligent and a rowdy spurs fan but the one thing that is the MOST apparent about you is that you are an extremely dedicated father with a profound love for your daughter. i hoped this was as apparent to any court as it is to all of us here on spurs report. regardless of whatever may happen, no court can ever render moot her love for her daddy nor yours for your girl.

elchiv 04-10-07 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJinTX (Post 1070464)
Well, nearly a year to the day that I was served, here's an update on my case. First and foremost, however, I would like to sincerely thank everyone for their well-wishes and prayers. They work :)

My ex-wife wanted to put my daughter on the witness stand when our trial was scheduled to begin next Monday (this, after several delays due to docket scheduling). To avoid this, I allowed her to be deposed by my attorney and my ex-wife's attorney. To make a long story short, my daughter told them what was in her heart, and not what her mother had tried to manipulate her into saying. After viewing the video tape of her deposition, my ex has non-suited the case, meaning that she has dropped it.

It's all over, and my daughter can go back to being a kid again, without worrying about whether she is going to "disappoint" her mother or not. So, again, it's over. For now.

Congratulations. Before I ever graduated from law school I sat in divorce court and saw 3 cases and knew I could never do it...you have to have balls of steal to go through what you went through so I commend you and again congratulate you. May you have joy and success in the continued raising of your daughter.

TexasPandaMama 04-10-07 10:26 AM

What a relief! I really am so happy for you.
It is a shame when parents use children as tools for manipulation and spite. It happens every day and yours is not an odd situation. It is few and far between when couples split and there is NO foul words, animosity, or anger bubbling between the old couple. I am glad that your ex dropped the case. I was surprised she would waste time and money like that, but good for you.


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