News Radio WOAI KTKR AM Sports
SpursReport.com  
Go Back   SpursReport.com > SpursReport Fan Forums > The Cantina

  #1  
Old 02-22-06, 09:01 PM
MomBear's Avatar
MomBear
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Girlfriend Dumped After Valentine-Candy-Related Weight Gain

February 20, 2006 | Issue 42•08

MONTCLAIR, NJ—27-year-old LeeAnne Copeland's decision to consume an entire box of Valentine's chocolates over the course of five days led her boyfriend of 10 months to end their relationship Monday.


LeeAnne Copeland, after eating the entire box of Valentine’s Day candy given to her by her former boyfriend Michael Kristoff

LeeAnne Copeland, after eating the entire box of Valentine’s Day candy given to her by her former boyfriend Michael Kristoff. Michael Kristoff, 27, a part-time bartender, gave Copeland a two-pound, red-satin-lined box of Russell Stover premium assorted chocolates on Valentine's Day. According to Kristoff, Copeland "really packed on the pounds" in the days that followed.

"It was noticeable," Kristoff said, describing a bulge on Copeland's midriff. "She seemed completely unaware of what she was doing to herself physically, and I found that very disconcerting."

The weight gain, which Kristoff estimated to be between three and five pounds, transformed the young woman into "kind of a porker," according to Kristoff.

"Before the candy, LeeAnne was an active person," Kristoff said. "She was always hopping around, straightening up her apartment, going to the gym."

However, the chocolate, coupled with a snowstorm that shut down much of the Northeast, "gave [Copeland] an all-too-convenient excuse" to spend a week watching DVDs and eating chocolate.

"For the next couple nights, when I'd come over I'd notice her stealing into the candy box, cramming her face," Kristoff said. "She even made a joke about it, telling me that she could see why they put Valentine's Day in February, when it was cold and snowy and there wasn't much else to do but eat. Like it was all a big joke to her."

Kristoff said he was repulsed by the sight of Copeland eating.

"I'd seen her eat before, but it was nothing like this," Kristoff said. "You could see chocolate dotting her teeth and tiny strings of saliva between her lips and traces of nougat and coconut on the corners of her mouth."


Kristoff added: "It made me sick."

Copeland initially refused to eat the chocolate, according to Kristoff.

"She was all, 'Oh, no, no, I can't eat all these, they're way too fattening,'" said Kristoff, impersonating Copeland. "She was trying to get me to eat most of the box, and was really stubborn about it."

"It's kind of ironic, considering how this has all panned out," Kristoff added.

Kristoff said that as he watched Copeland take her first, tentative bite of a strawberry cream, he had "this out-of-nowhere premonition."

"It struck me that the chocolate-eating could be a foreshadowing of things to come," Kristoff said. "If I took her out to a steak place for her birthday, would she finish her whole meal? And what about holidays like Thanksgiving? When I got to thinking about the wedding cake, that's when the alarm bells really went off."

Despite these strong reservations, Kristoff said he "remained in deep denial for several days."

"I tried to make it work," Kristoff said. "I tried to tell myself that maybe the old LeeAnne would come back once the chocolates were gone, but I didn't think I could wait it out."


Kristoff severed ties via a brief e-mail.

Copeland said the sudden breakup had left her devastated, confused, and "so depressed I can't eat."

Reached for comment, Kristoff said: "It's too bad she didn't display a little bit of that self-discipline earlier... We might still be together today."

THE ONION LINK
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-22-06, 09:10 PM
SpursStalker's Avatar
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Crackville
Posts: 23,240

LMAO

Via email, what a work of art!!

Oooo and hes sooooooo yummie lookin



All over a box of chocolate ... Totally distrubing but funny as hell
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-22-06, 09:48 PM
shelden's Avatar
SpursReport Team Starter
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Hoosier
Posts: 4,286

You had me going there for a while, MomBear. I was reading, and thinking "She doesn't know how lucky she is to get away from this loser." The Onion rocks!
__________________
“We’ve been the Black and Silver Mean Machine for a decade now, everybody knows that.” - Pop
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-22-06, 09:58 PM
MomBear's Avatar
MomBear
Guest
 
Posts: n/a

yes it does...
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-22-06, 10:11 PM
Spurs|ATX|'s Avatar
SpursReport Team Bench
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Raiderland|ATX
Posts: 1,731

__________________
"I am the leader of this team so it starts with me, and I understand that." - Tim Duncan
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-23-06, 12:20 AM
FREE BEER's Avatar
SpursReport Team Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 754

Nothing beats a good Onion story! Hilarious!
__________________
THATS RIGHT. DING! SUCKA
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-23-06, 07:28 AM
Trdi's Avatar
SpursReport Team Bench
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Earth - 2019
Posts: 2,296

I'm not sure, they really broke up because of this candy box...
__________________
Blake: "From day 1, Ive backed up everything Ive said. People keep setting 'em up and I keep shooting 'em down." (Example of his legitimate reasoning: "Screw it.")
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-23-06, 08:54 AM
bonnington's Avatar
Fueled by Passion
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Bs As
Posts: 12,000

The guy is a loser. I gave my wife a Chocolate box and I ate half myself
__________________
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-23-06, 09:18 AM
Jason R's Avatar
SpursReport Staff Writer
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 10,012

Glad to see there was an ONION link at the bottom or I'd have been angry.
__________________
Matt Bonner gets indigestion when swallowing his pride.
You can't divide by zero, but Matt Bonner can.
Matt Bonner and Chuck Norris only ever met once... that was the day dinosaurs went extinct.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-23-06, 09:18 AM
phillyspurslover's Avatar
SpursReport Team Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 11,817

Quote:
Originally Posted by bonnington
The guy is a loser. I gave my wife a Chocolate box and I ate half myself

it's a fake story!

Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 02-23-06, 09:43 AM
bonnington's Avatar
Fueled by Passion
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Bs As
Posts: 12,000

Quote:
Originally Posted by phillyspurslover
it's a fake story!

Ok
__________________
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 02-23-06, 09:51 AM
missmyzte's Avatar
SpursReport Team Bench
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Laker Land
Posts: 1,993

Quote:
"If I took her out to a steak place for her birthday, would she finish her whole meal?
That's the line that got me ... how dare she eat a whole meal??
BTW, it's impossible to gain 3-5 pounds by consuming 2 pounds of chocolate.
__________________

Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 02-23-06, 11:05 AM
furry_spurry's Avatar
SpursReport Rookie
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 24

What's the big deal? I could down that two pound box of Russell Stovers in one day.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 02-23-06, 11:15 AM
SpurInDallas's Avatar
SpursReport Team Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Warriors Land!!
Posts: 11,755

Quote:
Originally Posted by furry_spurry
What's the big deal? I could down that two pound box of Russell Stovers in one day.
No big deal, any guy could do that.

But if your a chick, well, how you doin'?????
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 02-24-06, 09:57 AM
Falcone's Avatar
SpursReport Team Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 3,667

I love The Onion...anyone ever frequent sportspickle.com?
__________________
Joey Crawford T's me off!!
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:14 PM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.7.4 Copyright © 2000-2008 Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.2.0