The Onion Newsbriefs | Volume 41 Issue 48 | Nov. 30, 2005 - Dec. 6, 2005

Enchilada Premonition Comes To Pass
November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48

BUFFALO, NY—An unaccountable vision of impending enchilada consumption experienced by SUNY-Buffalo student Kris Lamberth came true early Monday evening, according to witnesses. "There we were on the couch," said roommate Corey Bradsher, "when Kris looks right at me and says, 'I have an eerie sense I'm going to eat two Amy's Organic cheese enchiladas. Man, I can almost taste them.'" An hour later, his prophesy was realized. Since the incident, the preternatural Lamberth has attracted the attention of the unsolved-crimes unit of the local police department, who have requested that Lamberth solve the mystery of where they should order their lunch.

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MythBusters Team Struck Down By Zeus
November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48

SAN FRANCISCO—MythBusters hosts Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, who dared challenge the sacred explanations of the order of the universe, were destroyed by Zeus Monday. "I soared ascending to the ethereal sky, and by merest nod massed a fearsome storm, and with mine lightnings struck down the naysayers Adam and Jamie," Zeus said in a press conference called to warn all doubters of his thunderous might. The MythBusters producers have issued a statement apologizing to the entire Olympian community and declared that, from now on, the program will focus only on myths unrelated to the Greek, Egyptian, or Norse pantheons.

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RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs
November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48

LOS ANGELES—The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered telling friends, acquaintances, or associates about new songs, artists, or albums. "We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material," a press release signed by RIAA anti-piracy director Brad Buckles read. "We will aggressively prosecute those individuals who attempt to pirate our property by generating 'buzz' about any proprietary music, movies, or software, or enjoy same in the company of anyone other than themselves." RIAA attorneys said they were also looking into the legality of word-of-mouth "favorites-sharing" sites, such as coffee shops, universities, and living rooms.

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