What's the difference between "loving someone" and "being in love"?

Johnny_5 · #1 11-30-05, 03:23 PM

Was asked this question by my friend earlier, I was telling him my meaning, but he has his own idea as to what it means. Since, everyone has an opinion on the matter I thought I would bring this subject up.

What's the difference between the two and how would you describe it?

austin_spurs_fan · #2 11-30-05, 03:25 PM

loving someone is possible without the other person lvoing you back,
where as being in love requires two or at least more than one.

AllNet · #3 11-30-05, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by austin_spurs_fan

loving someone is possible without the other person lvoing you back,
where as being in love requires two or at least more than one.

X2

spursfeva_31 · #4 11-30-05, 03:38 PM

I think loving someone means you love them as in caring a lot about them. I love my parents, my friends, my family but to be in love with someone is different. I love my ex boyfriend but it doesn't mean I'm in love with him. I still care about him but I don't feel like one day I could marry him. A while back we were talking about this and he said that love means you have that "butterfly" feeling whenever someone talks about that person or when you see that person pass by. If that were the meaning then I would be in love with every guy on the spurs team.

ladyspur · #5 11-30-05, 03:43 PM

This is my opinion of what the difference is.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do.

It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

spursfeva_31 · #6 11-30-05, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyspur

This is my opinion of what the difference is.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do.

It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

SAScrub · #7 11-30-05, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyspur

This is my opinion of what the difference is.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do.

It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

Well said....

ladyspur · #8 11-30-05, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAScrub

Well said....

Quote:

Originally Posted by spursfeva_31

It took me a long time to realize that though.

I'm glad I waited til I was older to get married.

Johnny_5 · #9 11-30-05, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by austin_spurs_fan

loving someone is possible without the other person lvoing you back,
where as being in love requires two or at least more than one.

interesting thought! So by this definition, would you call two people being in a committed relationship, being in love?

Quote:

Originally Posted by spursfeva_31

I think loving someone means you love them as in caring a lot about them. I love my parents, my friends, my family but to be in love with someone is different. I love my ex boyfriend but it doesn't mean I'm in love with him. I still care about him but I don't feel like one day I could marry him. A while back we were talking about this and he said that love means you have that "butterfly" feeling whenever someone talks about that person or when you see that person pass by. If that were the meaning then I would be in love with every guy on the spurs team.

Of course the love between parents and friends are different. I am talking about love between two people who could be or are in a relationship.

You see I always hear the fantasy, movie mumbo jumbo about what being in love is. The "butterflies", the hearing music, the stopping of time when you first see them, etc. My definition is simple, being in love is wanting to share your life with someone. The difference is also simple...doubt. If you doubt you are in love then you are not. Which is how I can see people being able to fall in again?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyspur

This is my opinion of what the difference is.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do.

It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

Very well said, but I don't think you said what the difference is. Although you pretty much hit the nail on the head as to what love is. Best definition of love I have heard yet!

ladyspur · #10 11-30-05, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny_5

Very well said, but I don't think you said what the difference is. Although you pretty much hit the nail on the head as to what love is. Best definition of love I have heard yet!

Just loving someone is the complete opposite of what I just said.

Also, SEX plays no part when falling in love with someone. It becomes one of the benefits of falling in love with said person.

GSG · #11 11-30-05, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyspur

This is my opinion of what the difference is.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do.

It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

Wow

Relationships have high and low points so when it's at the high point you think it's really love when it might be just lust or a real deep attraction. The low points is the real challenge because that's when you start questioning whether or not you really do love that person. Will you just end it and move on? The decision thing that you said is so true because you're putting all the sh!t aside and you're just loving them no matter what is going on or happened. You love the person because you want to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny_5

You see I always hear the fantasy, movie mumbo jumbo about what being in love is. The "butterflies", the hearing music, the stopping of time when you first see them, etc. My definition is simple, being in love is wanting to share your life with someone. The difference is also simple...doubt. If you doubt you are in love then you are not. Which is how I can see people being able to fall in again?

All that butterflies stuff and whatever is not love. It just means you like the person and eventually it'll go away. Love is something that has to be worked at because I don't think any love is instant.

boo_radley · #12 11-30-05, 04:32 PM

I don't have the words at my disposal to explain the difference, but one thing I know for sure is that movies, TV, books, whatever do a real disservice to people that buy into their romanticized view of love. Love and relationships can and often are hard work. People are social animals of course, but it's hard to be so close to someone for so long without at least a few trials and tribulations. Those hardships have to be dealt with and often times it is hard and sometimes painful, but if you commit to making it thru to the otherside your relationship and oftentimes your love gets stronger.

Anyone that enters into a relationship thinking it will be all fairy tales and milk shakes will be greatly disappointed when they realize they have to share a bathroom with their chosen partner -- that's a trial and a tribulation in and of itself.

OUSpursGal6513 · #13 11-30-05, 07:34 PM

My definition of being in love is being consumed with an overwhelming feeling of appreciation and affection towards the person, coupled with the desire to bone them.

I've never been in love...but that's my definiton and I'm sticking to it.

shelden · #14 11-30-05, 11:05 PM

Good question, Johnny 5--always worth thinking and talking about.

I like ladyspur's definition. The only thing that I would add is that part of the difference is maturity. Anyone call "fall in love" or "be in love", but to love someone for a lifetime requires characteristics that come only with maturity. Selflessness, integrity, and loyalty are examples of traits you need for a loving partnership that immature people lack.

Even though I am older than most people who post here, I would not claim that maturity comes with being older. Sadly, I think we all know people who haven't grown up, even though they're in their 40's or 50's. I feel sorry for the guys who (irresponsibly) fathered children and then wish they could have a better relationship with the kids they abandoned years ago.

CLUVMANU · #15 11-30-05, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyspur

This is my opinion of what the difference is.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do.

It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

WELL SAID! Took the words right out of my mouth! Love is awesome.

user name · #16 11-30-05, 11:27 PM

Love is when you want for the other person to have everything that is best for them, even if it isn't you.

Alamo Boy · #17 11-30-05, 11:41 PM

easy...think about an ex...you can love them but not be 'in love' wiht them anymore

Lucky® · #18 12-01-05, 12:26 AM

They are the same. They're both used too frivolously and by people who have never really loved. It's not just liking someone so much you couldn't possibly like them more. If that were true I would have loved a whooole bunch of my high school crushes.

GSG's right about the low points--that's when the difference becomes clear, between true love and and mutual attraction / whatever else we decide to base our relationships on. Actual love is something you do because it's what you are. You can't help but do it.

Real love is when you realize you can't be hurt and you don't fear anything--because no matter what happens to you, you have actually lived. You've experienced the absolute best thing any human being is capable of.

rjv · #19 12-01-05, 12:34 AM

one involves endorphins and the other involves oxytocins.

ladyspur · #20 12-01-05, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CLUVMANU

Love is awesome.

It sure is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelden

The only thing that I would add is that part of the difference is maturity. Anyone call "fall in love" or "be in love", but to love someone for a lifetime requires characteristics that come only with maturity. Selflessness, integrity, and loyalty are examples of traits you need for a loving partnership that immature people lack.

Thats also true. ^^^

Quote:

I would not claim that maturity comes with being older. Sadly, I think we all know people who haven't grown up, even though they're in their 40's or 50's. I feel sorry for the guys who (irresponsibly) fathered children and then wish they could have a better relationship with the kids they abandoned years ago.

I know what you mean.

I used to know some men like that.