Cantina Stupid News for 6/21/04

[PHANTOM21]

Cheerleader Accidentally Puts “I” In “Team”

BALTIMORE, MD—Riverside High School cheerleader Rachel Brenning was kicked off the cheerleading team and given 3 days detention after making a terrible mistake during a cheer at a home basketball game last week. Brenning was doing her part in her squads famous home court “go team” cheer when she accidentally yelled out the letter “I” instead of the letter “A” during the ritual cheer spelling of the word “team.”

“I am deeply offended and shocked by what occurred at our basketball game last week.” Riverside High School principal Jane Martin told reporters. “Never in this great schools history has our school spirit been so decimated by the actions of one person. The behavioral administration and myself have yet to determine whether or not the actions of Ms. Brenning were in fact planned or if this was just some kind of mishap. Either way, Rachel will suffer the same consequences; we take a lot of pride in our school, especially in extra curricular activities. She needs to learn her lesson.”


Above: Riverview High School chearleader
Rachel Brenning sheds a tear after being
escorted from the gymnasium.

Brenning, a junior at Riverside High School, assured reporters that what occurred was a terrible mistake, and she begged for her peer’s forgiveness. “I am so sorry everyone,” Brenning pleaded, “please forgive me. I would never do anything like this on purpose, I hope that everyone will see that, and find it in their hearts to forgive me.” Brenning has accepted her punishment of staying off the cheerleading squad for the remainder of this school year, but she hopes that she will be allowed to tryout again next year. “I know I probably deserve to be kicked off the squad for the rest of my life, but if everyone could forgive me, I promise I won’t make the same mistake again.”

The Riverside basketball team was playing a tournament game against across town rivals, Hopkins High School, when the terrible destruction of the “go team” cheer occurred. “I remember watching my son lay down some terrific defense,” Bob Jackson, father of Riverside Senior Tim Jackson recalled. “I happened to look down at the cheerleaders because I thought one was about to fall over and I thought I might have been in for a show. The girls were doing this cheer where they yell ‘go, go, go team’ and then they spell out ‘G-O-T-E-A-M’ and each cheerleader yells out a different letter. When it was Brenning's turn to say ‘A’ she shouted ‘I’ instead and the entire gymnasium got silent. Even the players stopped in the middle of the game.”

Riverside Cheerleading director Merriam Woods responded quickly and decisively in the moment of crisis. “I knew what I had to do, but I was heart broken by Brenning’s traitorous deed,” Woods explained. “I found myself in shock but had to shake myself out of it and apprehend Ms. Brenning and escort her from the gymnasium. The girl was in tears by the time I got her outside, but I didn’t buy into her little ‘it was an accident’ show. We rehearsed that cheer so many times that there was no way anyone could mess it up. Rachel should have been shouting ‘A’ in her sleep. Our squad jackets even say ‘there is no “I” in “Team”’ on them, this was blatant sabotage and I’m surprised the district hasn’t had Brenning transferred.”

With only three games left in the cheerleading season, Riverside's hopes of making it into the Maryland cheerleading convention were destroyed by the actions of Rachel Brenning. Although it hasn’t been determined whether the event was a mistake or if it was on purpose, cheerleading commissioner Sandra D’witt assured Riverside that the actions of their squad member have scarred not only their school but the entire cheerleading profession. “By inviting Riverside to the cheerleading finals we would be supporting that which has made a mockery of not only cheerleading, but any team sport or activity in general,” D’witt explained. “The only hopes Riverside has now is to represent their school at the national chess tournament where the individual is important, and egotistic snobs can run wild.”

The Baltimore School District has placed Riverside’s cheerleading program on temporary probation until more information surrounding the event can be retrieved.

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El Paso, Texas Named Sweatiest U.S. City
By Michael Flaherty

NEW YORK (Reuters) - "Sun City" Texas just became Sweat City U.S.A.

El Paso, Texas, with average summer temperatures above 93 degrees Fahrenheit and relative humidity over 70 percent, is the sweatiest city in the United States, a study released on Tuesday found.

Research scientist Tim Long calculated heat indexes and relative humidity levels to come up with his top 100 sweatiest cities in America list.

By Long's calculations, in just four hours, El Paso's residents produce enough sweat to fill an Olympic swimming pool, with individuals shedding more than 36 fluid ounces of perspiration an hour.

"The driving force is heat, but humidity is a key factor," said Long. "It can feel like 118 in El Paso but it's only 94."

For the dubious honor, El Paso Mayor Joe Wardy will receive a year's supply of Red Zone antiperspirant from Old Spice, a brand owned by consumer products company Procter & Gamble Co. and the sponsor of the study.

The next four sweatiest U.S. cities are: Greenville, South Carolina; Phoenix, Arizona; Corpus Christi, Texas; and New Orleans, Louisiana.


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Emergency worker surrenders in accident

NORTHPORT, N.Y. -- An emergency medical technician responding to a fatal hit-and-run accident told police at the scene he might have struck the victim the night before.

Brian Leddy, a captain with the Eatons Neck volunteer fire department on Long Island, was arrested Friday after both he and officers noticed that debris in the road matched his 2003 Dodge truck, police said.

The victim, identified as Thomas Cote, 60, was found at the end of his driveway. Police said Cote was apparently hit while getting mail from his mailbox.

Leddy approached officers at the scene and told them that he suspected he might have hit something or someone while driving home Thursday night. He said he told his wife about his suspicions and then searched the neighborhood to no avail.

Leddy was arraigned on charges of leaving the scene of a fatal accident. A judge set bail at $5,000. He is scheduled to return to court Wednesday.

[ladyspur]

Cool thread Phantom!

[Alamo Girl]

The cheerleading story is just so stupid.

My gawd.

[coyotefan]

Is this for real?

The actions of their squad member have scarred not only their school but the entire cheerleading profession.

The Baltimore School District has placed Riverside’s cheerleading program on temporary probation until more information surrounding the event can be retrieved.

cheerleading commissioner Sandra D’witt

[SpursStalker]

http://www.spursreport.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=10367 (Guess whose not wearing any pants!!!)

This one gets my vote for stupidity